"Now Playing"
The Parameters:
Genre: Romantic comedy
Required Idiom: “Burn rubber”
Required Adjective: “Corrupt”
The Story:
I’m not vain or anything, but I swear I’m younger than I look. New management came in four years ago, and upkeep went down the toilet. I mean, who’s gonna want to sit in me if I’ve got soda spills and popcorn butter drips? The aisle seats at least get some Febreeze now and then, but us against the wall, far away from the screen? Nada.
It’s no wonder I always get the couples, the ones trying to hide from the rest of the audience. I’ve seen some unspeakable things, let me tell you. You might think it’s just teenagers, but you’d be surprised. And it doesn’t matter what kind of movie it is, either. Whether they’re watching Vin Diesel burning rubber or some morose drama about a corrupt politician, there will be people making out. My favorite part of this job is when people kick me with excitement, or dig their nails into me with fear, or drip tears onto me when the John Williams score kicks in. But these idiots don’t even watch the movie!
Last week, I got so excited when my theater played a documentary about human trafficking. That’s exactly what you want to have running over Valentine’s Day—no one’s gonna want to make out to that! Alas, it turned out to be just a special screening. Of course my theater will be playing some schmaltzy romantic drama. It’s going to be a rough weekend.
Next Week:
Genre: Action/adventure
Required Idiom: “Put hair on your chest”
Required Adjective: “General”